The Redneck King

I've been thinking about writing this for a bit. I'm never comfortable getting personal. Still in my head, so on my last day of everyday blog, I'm going to share.


This time last year I was falling. I met the Redneck King - so called because he is the alpha of his redneck friends - through friends. I'm not still wrapped up in it, so I dont want to rehash the details because that would hurt. Lets just say I shared something with him, and he turned out not to be who I thought he was. I wish I could say he meant nothing to me. I know I mean nothing to him. Sometimes that is still hard to wrap my head around. Occasionally, less and less as time goes on, I find myself imagining future conversations we'll have when he calls me. He's not going to call.
He suprised me by being what I didnt know I wanted. I have high standards, friends often tease me about not giving anyone a chance. He didnt fit my ideal, previously discussed in photos. He wasnt academic, but he was smart, and extremely people smart. He wasnt a musician, but he loved music and had this amazing voice when he sang. He made me laugh and made me feel at ease. He still is all these things.
He also completely disrespected me. I reacted by assuming it was a mistake he would soon correct. A part of me wishes I could go back and call him on his bullshit. It wouldnt change anything. I dont want to be with who he actually is.
Just, sometimes I still miss the possibility he didnt want. The what could have been seemed like a fun place.