Mr.Mr.

Usually when I meet someone I might be interested in I crush for months, build an entire imaginary personality of what he might be like based on the (very) few conversations we have, convince myself he is my next great love, and then come crashing into reality. Or, better, a new crush. This works very well in some cases. Celebrity crush, and any currently running perfect crushes that are now so far away it no longer matters. I cant give them up. I've tried, that's the kind of crazy that sticks.

When I moved I decided change was in order. Mostly I meant in the distant future when I am again independent. I challenged myself that the next time I met someone interesting, BEFORE I got all carried away, I would pursue an actual relationshipy thingy. No more getting all wrapped up, to be disappointed. Invest a bit, and move on, or highlight of all highlights, have it go somewhere.

Now I have met someone I want to get to know better. He works at a restaurant down the street from the store my parents own. He is clearly not getting my telepathic signals to ask me out. I'm not sure if I have the guts to go through with asking him myself. Trying to remember he's no big deal, and the worst that can happen is he says no and I move on to a new crush - type thing, because I'm not crushing.

A listing of past huge crushes for reference point and motivation,

- Joey Lawrence, that may be going back too far.

- Mr Handsome, my high school crush, who was (only) flattered (sadly) when I told him. Became one of my best friends and was exactly as I imagined him to be. How rare is that?!! Is still one of the kindest, funniest people I know.

- Hot Chocolate, so named because of his beverage of choice at the TH I worked at. Also because Hot C also relates to his name. Actually met at a friends birthday. Is one of the best looking men I've ever seen in real life. And is nice, smart, and funny. He is the perfect crush. I romantisized what it would be like to be with him just to not feel so alone. I kind of hope I never really get to know him, might spoil the illusion. He's just...OK, if you've seen the Robin Hood the cartoon the part where the girl rabbit sees Robin and sighs "He's sooo handsome", or Trent (Vince Vaughn) in Swingers "We're so money, baby!" He is sooo money, baby!

- Film Guy lives where I plan to live, and used to live where I used to live. He has an amazing and quick wit, that always makes me laugh. We're going to hang out when I move. Then he'll have enough time to discover my charm :)

There are many others, and ofcourse they all have nicknames, some because I dont know their real name and you have to fill a conversation with something. Perhaps you even have a few yourself. This may mean you are as crazy and neurotic as me. Do not fear, I am trying my crush free theory as we speak and hope to find some measure of success. I never really want to give up that kind of a heart jump into your throat, butterflies in your stomache, skin tingling, light headed, insert continuous cliches here, feeling at the sight or sound of him.