Project number one

I missed a day in my blog everyday plan. OK, two. Not dwelling, moving on and getting back into the groove.
I spent today cleaning. Attacked the kitchen full force. My mom is not very much of a housekeeper and no one else has the ability to reach into cupboards and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I emptied shelves and cupboards, cleaning and organizing, washed walls, basic cleaning standards. I'm trying to have empathy for how it must be to have someone come in and do that to my kitchen for my mom's ungrateful response to my hard work. I'm tired of always having to see it from her side.
I have two characteristics that I always use when with my family. One is a built up ability not to see the mess that surrounds me. It is their house and their things, and if this is how they choose to live, so be it. The other is I am extremely forgiving. Not in a saintly way, but I dont hold on to grudges, I dont get mad easily and I dont stay mad long. This is one of the best qualities I have from my Dad and I hope I always keep this in common. Some may say, then you are a doormat. I have been, at times, yes. But I have more self confidence now to stand up for myself. I'm not interested in holding on to anger all the time.
My mom and I have always had a difficult relationship. This is not all her fault. But it is not all mine either. I'm tired of knocking at the door for her attention, and getting a bruised hand for my efforts. I simply accept that we are not going to have the close relationship I envy of others. I love her very much, and I would really love for her to open that door.