Wake up, shake up.

Earlier this week I convinced myself to go see a doctor, because I've been fighting to stay awake during the day, (yet I have no trouble being wide awake at night) and my nails have become brittle, and insult above all others, my hair is falling out. My big mane is shedding way more than usual.

So the doc agrees with me, that this needs examining, and testing.

Wait, what?

This is not just a lack of sleep, or vitamins? Among the options were, yes, lack of sleep, low iron, low b12, a thyroid issue, possible liver or kidney problems, or... a heart issue.

A what now?

So, I go get all the tests, and convince myself that I'm very ill.

I see another doc for the results, the fun of not having a gp, and he confirms that there is nothing wrong with me, and the issue is most likely stress.

This has all got me thinking though.

Doing whatever I want is not the same as taking care of myself. 

If I want to avoid the imagined problems, I better make some real changes.

Rollercoaster

So, today has been... weird.

First, work was really, tense, today. The hiring practices for permanent positions are really being questioned, and I've never seen reactions like this. It makes me wonder about my future there.

Second, an apartment on the second floor became available, because she wants my first floor apartment. So we are going to switch.

Third, I got messaged by a very intriguing man, about getting to know each other better.
Alternately, the guy I've been waiting to respond to me, asked my aquaintance out. One door closes... I guess.

There's a theory that when you go in the direction you are meant to go in, things fall in to place. I'm going to focus on the good, and ignore the rest. I'm really glad I moved North.

Setback

Earlier this week I stubbed my toe so hard I nearly broke it. There was purple bruising, and so much pain, but after x-rays I was cleared to run in a few days. Except it's still really sore when I put pressure on it. I have 1 week till the 10k with my sister, and this is not helping.

However, I have 28 weeks till the half marathon, which I'm going to break in to 2 sessions, starting after the 10k. Running requires strength, and endurance. I am going to focus all my efforts to making this a reality.

Countdown is on

4 weeks till the SunRun. Am not going to be in superfit shape I hoped for, as I did not work hard enough. Training fail.
I did join a train for 10k for a local run in June, and am excited about that. Starting my distance build for half marathon after that. Actually scared by the challenge. But excited too.

Start of the season

Had a really good run this weekend. Next week the hard runs start for 10k training, mostly because I've been slacking since... October, but I feel ready to run now.

Failing up

226.
Had a chocolate binge this week. Feeling the effects of it today. Yet somehow, magically, the scale was nice to me.

Had a frank, in depth conversation with two of my single friends about their recent dating... adventures, and at first I felt like, woah, I should really get out there, but then I started to feel like, if these are the (younger) women I am competing against, why even try? Who would pick me, in comparison. Or even just, as I am.
I wouldn't.

I tried to give myself a pep talk before going out, I went to a birthday party, but I was also supposed to go to a fundraiser. With new people and possibly single men. But my good coach was down, sleeping off the sugar, most likely, and my insecurities were running rampant.
I don't feel like a guy, even a kinda nerdy, soft-bodied, type that I like, would look at me and be attracted. I know it happens, but it doesn't seem to happen to me. Or, not for a long time.

So, instead of whining and wallowing, it is time to get up, go for a run, eat good food, take care of myself and build my confidence up, to someone I recognize and even possibly like. Plus, hang out with my friends, read, and otherwise enjoy life, so when I do meet someone, I'll be... not so crippled with fear, so he, (or the guy after him, its a numbers game)will see how awesome I am.

You are what you eat.

Yesterday, I ate a lot of wheat. There was a luncheon at work, and I had spinach dip and sourdough, several tiny sandwiches, and then more spinach dip and tortilla chips. A lot of chips.

Today, I feel like crap.
I have a migraine. I have an upset stomach, and bowels. My scalp feels like I have bugs, it is so itchy. My nose has a breakout. My eyes are slightly bloodshot, and my stye that is never going away, is redder, my lids seems inflamed. The inside of my lip has a weird film.
Its a wonder I don't date.
I'm not officially celiac, but there is a definite sensitivity that I need to be mindful of. It could be a myriad of other things, but I'm pretty sure its what I ate.

Make good choices

227, and happy about it. You may think, how? That is up from 220. Yes, but it is down from 230.

Started my serious running training on Sunday. I am ready for this challenge.

My friends decided that for the month of January, "we" should do yoga on Mondays and Fridays. We looked into studios and times and for them, sitters. The first week, 5 of us went to a candlelit session. I discovered I actually kinda like flow yoga, and the instructor's poses were not advanced (this does not mean they were easy). The first Friday we went to a different studio, a different instructor and tried warm yoga. The poses were much harder, we had to hold them for much longer, and I kinda hated it. The next Monday we went to the second place again, (free week for starters) and tried a new class. It was mostly meditation, which is fine, but not what I am interested in. We were down to three, by this point. Friday I had to work, and everyone else bailed. Some had legitimate excuses. It's funny to me that the two who were the most gung-ho, completely slacked. Today we went back to the first place, and I can honestly say I enjoyed the class. I would consider continuing this class. I like the instructor's choices, and I can see where, although I am able to complete the class, I could improve my flexibility and strength if I continued, using variations to go deeper (that's yoga for harder). My posture improves after every class, and I feel completely stretched out, in a good way. It was just my one, motivated friend and I, so I was disappointed for the others because they missed the class, and also I missed them, but glad that my roommate and I did go.

The week is off to a very good start.

Slipping down

Feeling a bit melancholy tonight.
I know its all in my head, but I am feeling a bit unloveable.
I realize this is ironic because I recently had a wonderful birthday party with lots of lovely friends, and then chose to bail out on those friends for their events. I am the distant one, not them.
I seem to be slipping down.
Still don't have my own place, and while it is fun here, I crave my own space.
Have an interview for a full time permanent position, but not feeling confident about that, however I did get moved to a new team with a manager I genuinely like (and don't fear) so work is ok. I just wish I had some security.
I am working on my health, gym and vegetables and all that. Gave up chocolate again after the Christmas extravaganza. Weight is up to reflect all bad choices.
Not a good match, but would really like to meet someone. Just another stress.
Very sad that due to not being able to get days for vacation, and not having money, I am not going to be able to go on a big trip this year. I really need to be more responsible.
I'm worried about my family, here and there.
Going to watch a movie, and try not to wallow so tomorrow will be up.

New Year 2016

Alright, its the new year, time to set some goals and refocus.

This year I am going to run faster and longer.

I want to finish the 10k in under 115, and run a half marathon. 

I will go to the gym 3 times a week, I will try yoga with my friends for January.

I'm going to stop eating chocolate and cut back my sugar. 

I will put myself out there, in the dating pool.

I will read more books. 

I will take care of myself, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally.