Really dont even want to write tonight, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Just so tired of other people's bullshit. I'm trapped and lonely in this absurd place, half way gone and not moving forward. Time is leaving me behind. I miss my life terribly. And I worry when I move that it will only be dissapointment. Emailed film guy and his response is my happy thought at the moment. Otherwise I'm left dealing with family politics. Mostly a never ending passive aggressive fight with my mom. I get angry when she tries to feign interest in my life, because she has no interest in my life. Why bother starting now. I cannot wait to get out. We could be taking this time to hang out and become friends as adults but she would rather play childish games. You want to know why we have no relationship Mom? You, are why we have no relationship. Why we have never had a relationship. Why I vow to do everything in my power to not do the same with my children, should I have any.
3 comments:
"I'm trapped in a lonely and absurd place."
I feel that pain.
I'm not on the "heart ripped out of your chest" level, but its pretty palatable.
maybe you should have that conversation with your mom... maybe she's realizing this and is trying while you're still there. maybe not, but wouldn't it feel nicer to think that she's attempting in her, perhaps awkward, way?? hug hug hug.
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