Day 3

Before I post about my day, I want to take a moment to mention something that has happened, and is in my thoughts. My niece's husband has passed away suddenly. I met him shortly after they were married this summer, and he seemed a genuine good person, a caring husband and an involved father to their one year old. I cannot imagine her grief, and I am stunned and saddened by this news.

Successful swim and run today. Cravings and crankiness have kicked in.

Day 2

Plan is still in effect. Swam yesterday and today, ran last night. 

On the one hand I feel good and strong, like I am taking care of myself, taking charge, and using my muscles as they were intended. 

On the other hand, I am dealing with cravings in what is only the second day without candy and caffeine. ALL I WANT TO EAT IS ICING. I am not taking away bread at this current moment, as I fear the voices in my head may kill me if I attempt it before Thursday. I hope to make a successful break with processed food, but if it is 80/20, I'll be happy.

December Detox

I know, with Christmas meals and treats, plus winter comfort foods, this is a difficult time to be on the Healthy Train. However, here's what I have learned from years of struggle; There is no good time. There is always a holiday, or a vacation, or stress, and I am still going to want to eat candy. But this is for my health, my happiness, and my quality of life, so I am committing to me. I've decided to start swimming every morning and running 3-4 days a week, and cut as much sugar from my diet as I can. This is what has lead to success in the past, and it is good for my heart.
Game On.

To Recap

Well, I have been unsuccessful in this, so far. I jumped off the healthy train more than I stayed on, and there is no progress to report. I have recommitted, and will try to add more in the win column.

On Track

Alright, here we are at the close of week one, although keeping track of a change that should be permanent seems tedious, at this point it is still helpful.

Cut my sugar by quite a bit, and cut caffeine completely. Think tomorrow's weigh in is going to be an improvement, and I'm feeling pretty successful all in all.

Went for a nice walk today. Runkeeper told me it was my best one ever, but I just started using the app, so it's a bit biased. My Fitness Pal has all sorts of new encouragements as well, which I love. I recently got a Samsung S5, and I tried the pedometer, the first 2 days of work I had less than 2000 steps in a day. So, that's gotta change. Today's walk was a nice 5k in the sunshine, at a meandering pace, but, I did it.

Game On.

215

I'm writing to help myself get, and stay, on what I like to call –  The Healthy Train. This is the 7000 actual try, and I’m still hopeful “this time for sure.” Hence turning to my blog to have more accountability, and possibly entertain.

Due to some extremely poor choices, at 36 and 5’4″ I find the scale reading 215. This is upsetting for a myriad of reasons, and I am committing to change it. I do not expect a quick fix, and I realize it will be difficult, but I am going to try.

Try is my new life philosophy. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in how something will go, that I won’t even attempt it. Or I procrastinate, putting it off till I feel “ready”, whatever that might mean. With weight loss I struggle to accept that thinner – a word I cringe to use – would be better. I am not saying thinner is always better, or that I intend to ever be thin, but currently, I need to be less round. For all the reasons it is hard to be heavy.

Being heavy is easy for a lot of reasons as well. And it is an easy excuse. Change is hard and sometimes I can’t convince myself it would be worth it. What would change, aside from how I personally looked, and felt. If it only matters to me, does it really matter? On good days, the answer is yes. My health matters. My happiness matters. I matter.

I was going to make a fatifesto, but it only sounded like a fun place to eat, so instead I’m just going to jot down my progress, thoughts, feelings, struggles and hopefully successes.

I’ve been very inspired by people using social media to showcase their weight loss journeys, and thought writing a blog might be a nice way for me to see, and also share, where I’ve been as I try to focus on where I’m going.

I would like to hear your stories and thoughts as well, if you would like to share them. It can be thoughts on my train, or your own, I welcome the chance to discuss, and feel it all helps stay on track.

My running coach has a saying when we start, and I don’t think she would mind if I used it here as well, so I’m going to end my ramble with a positive call to embrace the challenge.

Game On

Hello 2013

It is a New Year, and I thought it might be time to get back to a bit of blogging. I've decided to return to what is basically an online diary for a few reasons, but mostly because I (not so) secretly miss it. Also, last year was the first year in a while that I did not accomplish my NY resolutions. So I'm posting them this year in an attempt to keep myself on track.

New Year 2012 I made a Vision Board. I know, so new agey, and was inspired by Jane on Happy Endings. I wanted to focus, in a Maslow's Theory kinda take off, on happiness and my own definition of success. Yep, that's my train of thought. So, I thought about everything I would like to have in a year that I would consider ideal, and to prioritize that.

So, everything that I want, that I can control (note - love is not on the board, because fate is "funny" about timing) I threw on the board. No one thing is more important than another, and alot are interconnected.
Also, I know I have the art skills of the average 4th grader. I have other talents. Here goes.

DREAMS   Aspire - Achieve
(this is the new agey bit about thoughts becoming reality.)

From the top:
Almost half is devoted to things that inspire me to be healthy. I know it seems like half naked Matthew McConaughey is maybe an allusion to an unrealistic romantic goal, but I'm not actually delusional. However I read a quote the Sexiest Man Alive 2005 gave People Magazine about "breaking a sweat every day" and it's very true. Getting a beach body takes work, every day, and also, doing one thing every day adds together to become an accomplishment.

Next is a tennis racket with the words Game, Set, Match. Its a "winning" attitude, but also I want to learn how to play tennis.

The running jacket is from The North Face, although honestly all running jackets seem to have this shape. I want the jacket, and whatever the shape that is in shape for me.

Under that is Run a 10k PB, and by personal best, I mean some other fit persons best, because my times currently suck, personally. Yaya, faster than everyone on the couch. Still.

Next, ok, is Carmen Electra, because I think of her as an all things sexified guru. I'm not flirty or at all comfortable with getting attention that way, but I wish a could be a bit more. Also I love to dance, and she has a dance workout series that is really fun.

I added Moves Like Jagger because that song pumps me up, and the video showcased that confidence overrules less than stellar moves. Just rock it.

The quote "look like you give a damn" is from an ad, to remind me that 1)Every day could be THE day, the start of an adventure, the beginning to something unexpected, and 2) caring about how I look is important. This has become incredibly clear to me recently, with a story that involves a grey sweatsuit. Its for another time. How I approach the day does matter, mostly to me. A healthy mind is part of a healthy body.

Because I struggle with changing things about myself physically for fear of becoming someone I don't recognize, I put IDEAL SELF on a briefcase. It appeals to the teen version of me, and the dreams she had about the future that I still hold.

Last fall I started doing courses towards a very nice job. I am still working towards that goal, but somehow when I originally wrote the word CAREER, it turned into a cloud, which carried my love of film and found opportunity knocking. That is a dream I will never give up. I will get a job, a nice, stable job, because bills don't pay themselves and I consider part of being a grown up being financially independent but I am going to make a MOVIE. Maybe more than one. And I will WRITE. Not to entertain anyone but myself really. Like this blog. Just because I can. That's the beauty of a hobby you love. I will figure it out and get a "real" job.

Vacation days are also for TRAVEL. It makes me sad that my passport has expired. The really sad part is how long ago, but let's not dwell. There are trips I have been talking about going on for years. A happy, successful life to me includes actually going on them.

I miss having a dog. I can't have one where I live right now. So the bottom, and also the foundation of my happy life is a home base. This is related to the job finding, and actually settling somewhere, which I have yet to do. But its all part of the plan.

So, this is how I define a successful life. I intend to work towards these goals, and see where it takes me.