Hello 2013

It is a New Year, and I thought it might be time to get back to a bit of blogging. I've decided to return to what is basically an online diary for a few reasons, but mostly because I (not so) secretly miss it. Also, last year was the first year in a while that I did not accomplish my NY resolutions. So I'm posting them this year in an attempt to keep myself on track.

New Year 2012 I made a Vision Board. I know, so new agey, and was inspired by Jane on Happy Endings. I wanted to focus, in a Maslow's Theory kinda take off, on happiness and my own definition of success. Yep, that's my train of thought. So, I thought about everything I would like to have in a year that I would consider ideal, and to prioritize that.

So, everything that I want, that I can control (note - love is not on the board, because fate is "funny" about timing) I threw on the board. No one thing is more important than another, and alot are interconnected.
Also, I know I have the art skills of the average 4th grader. I have other talents. Here goes.

DREAMS   Aspire - Achieve
(this is the new agey bit about thoughts becoming reality.)

From the top:
Almost half is devoted to things that inspire me to be healthy. I know it seems like half naked Matthew McConaughey is maybe an allusion to an unrealistic romantic goal, but I'm not actually delusional. However I read a quote the Sexiest Man Alive 2005 gave People Magazine about "breaking a sweat every day" and it's very true. Getting a beach body takes work, every day, and also, doing one thing every day adds together to become an accomplishment.

Next is a tennis racket with the words Game, Set, Match. Its a "winning" attitude, but also I want to learn how to play tennis.

The running jacket is from The North Face, although honestly all running jackets seem to have this shape. I want the jacket, and whatever the shape that is in shape for me.

Under that is Run a 10k PB, and by personal best, I mean some other fit persons best, because my times currently suck, personally. Yaya, faster than everyone on the couch. Still.

Next, ok, is Carmen Electra, because I think of her as an all things sexified guru. I'm not flirty or at all comfortable with getting attention that way, but I wish a could be a bit more. Also I love to dance, and she has a dance workout series that is really fun.

I added Moves Like Jagger because that song pumps me up, and the video showcased that confidence overrules less than stellar moves. Just rock it.

The quote "look like you give a damn" is from an ad, to remind me that 1)Every day could be THE day, the start of an adventure, the beginning to something unexpected, and 2) caring about how I look is important. This has become incredibly clear to me recently, with a story that involves a grey sweatsuit. Its for another time. How I approach the day does matter, mostly to me. A healthy mind is part of a healthy body.

Because I struggle with changing things about myself physically for fear of becoming someone I don't recognize, I put IDEAL SELF on a briefcase. It appeals to the teen version of me, and the dreams she had about the future that I still hold.

Last fall I started doing courses towards a very nice job. I am still working towards that goal, but somehow when I originally wrote the word CAREER, it turned into a cloud, which carried my love of film and found opportunity knocking. That is a dream I will never give up. I will get a job, a nice, stable job, because bills don't pay themselves and I consider part of being a grown up being financially independent but I am going to make a MOVIE. Maybe more than one. And I will WRITE. Not to entertain anyone but myself really. Like this blog. Just because I can. That's the beauty of a hobby you love. I will figure it out and get a "real" job.

Vacation days are also for TRAVEL. It makes me sad that my passport has expired. The really sad part is how long ago, but let's not dwell. There are trips I have been talking about going on for years. A happy, successful life to me includes actually going on them.

I miss having a dog. I can't have one where I live right now. So the bottom, and also the foundation of my happy life is a home base. This is related to the job finding, and actually settling somewhere, which I have yet to do. But its all part of the plan.

So, this is how I define a successful life. I intend to work towards these goals, and see where it takes me.

Cool

I was thinking about high school today when one of my classmates walked in. I love when life is like that. Like when I first heard about voluntourism online, and then the next two magazines I came across and Oprah featured the topic. I am off topic.

I was never cool in high school. I had good friends, so I wasn't a total social outcast, but there were parties I just wasn't invited to. The girl who came in the store was exactly as cool now as she was then. By cool I mean; trendy, so fashion cool, and also nice, so personality cool. And she had a moment where she became self conscious and said I probably didn't remember who she was. We had choir for two years, yes I remember you.

It's funny, to me, how high school can haunt you. I used to think of all the popular kids as one dimensional cutouts of the other. A few actually are. But for the most part, because I didn't have classes with them (or talk to them in class) and didn't party with them, I didn't really know them. We just didn't travel in the same circles. I used to hate the idea of becoming friends with any of "them" (cool kids) because I thought "If I wasn't good enough to be friends with then, why would I care to be friends with them now?" Looking at my yearbook I realized there are a lot of people in my graduating class I've never had a conversation with. That doesn't mean I shouldn't.

When you are in high school everything is the be all and end all of existence. To a certain extent I think that is true. The labels stick in your subconscious. Acceptance would have been nice, but I never set out to be popular. I never had hockey and drinking and hookups as common interests. Plus I was waaayy too shy. I didn't wave my freak flag as proudly as I do now. I just wanted to get through as under the radar as possible. To the people who knew me then I will always be that choir nerd. They will always be who they were in my mind too.

Once you are out of school though, there are very few opportunities to be judged by a large group of your peers. And your peer group changes from same age, same grade to common career, common hobby, common life. If you are lucky you find commonality.

I think everyone is a geek. Not in a demeaning way, but everyone has something they "geek out" about. It may not be mainstream, but even if it is, doesn't make you any less of a geek. "Geeking out" just means you are passionate about something. I hear people all the time apologizing for being themselves. "I'm such a geek but I just love..." you probably aren't the only one. They just didn't want to say so incase it wasn't cool.

Idea stolen from possible new friend

So I haven't quite totally figured this out yet. And I'm not talking life in the general scope of things, but this bloggosphere exactly. I found a nice read and decided to steal an idea for my own. The original is here http://conundrumsaway.blogspot.com/

Here are my possible fall back careers, in no particular order;

Soap opera writer
Vigilante - Cool like Batman or the A-team, while still being crazy and outside the line
Organic Farmer
Amish convert - however I think it could be hard to get in.
Casting Director - although I'm sure I would play favorites and be vindictive.
Phone sex operator - I'm too prudish actually, but I've been told I have a voice for it.
Trophy Wife - although I fear that amount of plastic surgery
Mobster - although I'm sure to get whacked, I want the power!
Hotel front desk
Airline Stewardess - free travel, bouya!
Bank Manager
Insurance sales
All are jobs I can dress up for, unlike ones I have had until now.
OK, there's my list, hope you enjoyed it, now go make your own!