Hello 2013

It is a New Year, and I thought it might be time to get back to a bit of blogging. I've decided to return to what is basically an online diary for a few reasons, but mostly because I (not so) secretly miss it. Also, last year was the first year in a while that I did not accomplish my NY resolutions. So I'm posting them this year in an attempt to keep myself on track.

New Year 2012 I made a Vision Board. I know, so new agey, and was inspired by Jane on Happy Endings. I wanted to focus, in a Maslow's Theory kinda take off, on happiness and my own definition of success. Yep, that's my train of thought. So, I thought about everything I would like to have in a year that I would consider ideal, and to prioritize that.

So, everything that I want, that I can control (note - love is not on the board, because fate is "funny" about timing) I threw on the board. No one thing is more important than another, and alot are interconnected.
Also, I know I have the art skills of the average 4th grader. I have other talents. Here goes.

DREAMS   Aspire - Achieve
(this is the new agey bit about thoughts becoming reality.)

From the top:
Almost half is devoted to things that inspire me to be healthy. I know it seems like half naked Matthew McConaughey is maybe an allusion to an unrealistic romantic goal, but I'm not actually delusional. However I read a quote the Sexiest Man Alive 2005 gave People Magazine about "breaking a sweat every day" and it's very true. Getting a beach body takes work, every day, and also, doing one thing every day adds together to become an accomplishment.

Next is a tennis racket with the words Game, Set, Match. Its a "winning" attitude, but also I want to learn how to play tennis.

The running jacket is from The North Face, although honestly all running jackets seem to have this shape. I want the jacket, and whatever the shape that is in shape for me.

Under that is Run a 10k PB, and by personal best, I mean some other fit persons best, because my times currently suck, personally. Yaya, faster than everyone on the couch. Still.

Next, ok, is Carmen Electra, because I think of her as an all things sexified guru. I'm not flirty or at all comfortable with getting attention that way, but I wish a could be a bit more. Also I love to dance, and she has a dance workout series that is really fun.

I added Moves Like Jagger because that song pumps me up, and the video showcased that confidence overrules less than stellar moves. Just rock it.

The quote "look like you give a damn" is from an ad, to remind me that 1)Every day could be THE day, the start of an adventure, the beginning to something unexpected, and 2) caring about how I look is important. This has become incredibly clear to me recently, with a story that involves a grey sweatsuit. Its for another time. How I approach the day does matter, mostly to me. A healthy mind is part of a healthy body.

Because I struggle with changing things about myself physically for fear of becoming someone I don't recognize, I put IDEAL SELF on a briefcase. It appeals to the teen version of me, and the dreams she had about the future that I still hold.

Last fall I started doing courses towards a very nice job. I am still working towards that goal, but somehow when I originally wrote the word CAREER, it turned into a cloud, which carried my love of film and found opportunity knocking. That is a dream I will never give up. I will get a job, a nice, stable job, because bills don't pay themselves and I consider part of being a grown up being financially independent but I am going to make a MOVIE. Maybe more than one. And I will WRITE. Not to entertain anyone but myself really. Like this blog. Just because I can. That's the beauty of a hobby you love. I will figure it out and get a "real" job.

Vacation days are also for TRAVEL. It makes me sad that my passport has expired. The really sad part is how long ago, but let's not dwell. There are trips I have been talking about going on for years. A happy, successful life to me includes actually going on them.

I miss having a dog. I can't have one where I live right now. So the bottom, and also the foundation of my happy life is a home base. This is related to the job finding, and actually settling somewhere, which I have yet to do. But its all part of the plan.

So, this is how I define a successful life. I intend to work towards these goals, and see where it takes me.

Things I've learned from the movies #2

I realize that one of my biggest influence is the movies I have watched, and I thought I'd share a bit more of that.
Susan Sarandon is a brilliant actress, and I can quote many moments from her career. I dont follow her personal life or politics, but her characters are all great. The best ones are strong women, strength I admire and try to embody.

Ealier this week I was watching (got sucked into) "Shall we Dance" (for the fourth time). There's a scene where Beverly talks about marriage. This is a great speech as far as movie speeches go. I love the sentiment.

In "Thelma and Louise", Louise's motto is "you get what you settle for" and she's exactly right.

And in "Banger Sisters" (Goldie Hawn's) Suzette talks about Lavinia dancing, her kids laugh "But she's a terrible dancer" and she says something to the effect of That's what was so great, she didnt care what anyone else thought.
Fictional or not, that's the only way to dance. The only way to do anything, especially something you love.

Things I've learned from the movies #1

I never truly appreciated how much Anne of Green Gables shaped my life till I watched it again recently. Its been a few years since I watched it beginning to end. And yes, I have read the books. But I've spent much, much more time with the film. I can still recite it line for line as I watch, which I did not do for the benefit of friends with me. I know every scene, and the really weird part is most of them I have somehow incorporated into my world. I wont disect the whole movie, but here's what stood out;

-Movie introduction was my introduction to The Lady of Shallot, and followed with The Highway Man, and other literary pieces I love.

-Melodramatic grand statements? Check.

- Belief in a bosom friend, Check.

- Belief in kindred spirits, Check.

-Avoiding "putting on airs" and the judgemental, fake Josie's of the world.

- My Grandma is similar in many ways to Marilla, and I used to spend summers on her farm. This only encouraged my identifying with Anne.

- Being "Smart rather than pretty", and that being better.

- Romantic Ideals of love, Big Time Check.

I mean really, Gilbert? Captain Harris? Gilbert? C'mon. More on this later.

There is not one scene that I can't find a line imprinted on who I am. Formative years of my youth for sure. Anne's loneliness, imaginativeness, and eventual happiness where how I saw myself becoming an adult. Ofcourse, that makes sense when you are 12.

Or 14. Or 16. Um 31?

Tooth Fairy

OK, I dont have kids, and I steer away from the Mom talk, but my bestest friend told me a story about her little boy (my nephew for all intensive purposes) that I'm going to share because I think it is so entertaining. I may be biased.
So my bestest friend forgot to put anything under her 6 year olds pillow for the tooth fairy. So that night she had to correct the situation. She wrote a very nice apology, and put the note and $2 in an envelope. Wanting to add glitter, but not having any on hand she added some sparkly eye shadow powder. The next morning her little guy wakes up, opens the envelope and in a voice filled with amazement says "Fairy Dust!" After having watched Peter Pan numerous times, and the newly released Tinkerbell movie, he was convinced she had left him fairy dust. He scooped it onto his head and ran down the hallway crying "I can fly, I can fly!"
Ah, the sweet image from her story makes me laugh out loud, and then smile at his innocence.

Insight

I was chatting with my bestest friend and she made the comment that I seem to tie too much importance on where I am. Because she is my bestest friend, I gave this some thought. I have concluded that perhaps she is right. That if I set my mind to it, I could be happy where ever I am. Following that, I can make excuses to be unhappy anywhere. There's a frightening thought. I once heard Oprah say that she used to use her weight as an excuse, like "I'm too fat to..." and not try because of the assumed future failure. Really, you can insert any number of excuses into that sentence. "I'm too ... to ..." so dont even try.
I worry about being too uneducated, too untalented, too broke ass to make a go of anything.
This, ofcourse leads me to a movie quote. There's a scene in Heart and Souls (Robert Downey, Jr. - brilliant) where Charles Grodin's character is chickening out of literally his last moment to shine and Robert Downey Jr. turns to him and says (paraphrasing) "The reason you have failed is because you never tried." That could be me! Ah!
I talk a big game but after eating chocolate while playing on facebook I realized, success and I do not seem to be on the same page.
But all is not lost. Save the unforseen illness or bus accident, I can look forward to tomorrow as a new day to try again.
I will still be planning things to do in my soon to be found perfect future. But that doesnt mean I cant have part of perfect right now. I still have (perfect) me (heehee) either way.

Yay!

Diva thinks MY blog is excellent!!! This award originated over at JavaQueen where she says: "I hope you do as I have, and pass it on to all the people you know with an excellent blog- to let them know how much their words have touched you and made a difference in your life."

Thank you Diva! This is so cool to me.

And now I pass it on to,

TheLuckyNest

FourLeafClover

Jamesk

LurkingRhythmically

Dating MissAdventures

I love reading all your writings!

November Already?

October seems to have flown by. This leads me to panic about the upcoming move in an I-can't-possibly-be ready-in-time way. Just making excuses to talk myself out of trying. I'm not doing that this time.
My self confidence seems to have taken a beating as of late. No one thing in particular, but I need to stop this slide in its tracks. I love the self help theory that you should fake confidence till you feel it. Also works for happiness, although it can be taken too far. Its like using visualizations (another brilliant device) to fool your mind out of a slump and get you where you want to be.
I once had a boss who asked "Tell me how you are, and make it something good" which I think is a nice way of helping find a positive mindset. A little bitch session never hurt anyone, but then its refreshing to try optimism.
I simply cannot focus on my unhappiness here. Its overwhelming. So I'm going to use my humour if I cannot find the good. Atleast I find me amusing, and that should be entertainment enough for now.