Reel life

And you thought at the end of the month I would fall away and never be heard from again. Haha!

A few years ago I went through a depressed phase. I dont know if I was actually depressed, but my actions seemed to imply it. No one needs 22 hours of sleep a day. Anyway.

In that time I pulled away from friends, family, life basically. Even books. Instead I substituted my life for a vicarious one through the screen. My best "friends" became the characters in my favorite TV shows, or faces in a film. I was so lonely and lost I fully embraced the reassuring and idealistic "reel world", as opposed to the harsh real world. It is a safe, comfortable place, with few suprises, and any harshness "isnt real anyway". This is part of the reason friends tease me about ideals , sort of as a concerned and gentle reminder to push myself out of that bubble.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. I hope to never fall back into that hole. I made changes, and continue to do. I once read that obsession is when you would chose a habit over an experience. I love CSI, but I no longer chose it over dinner with friends.

I still love my reel world though. I miss it if I stay away too long. OK, that sounded totally crazy. Let me see if I can explain. Its more like a hobby, now. Some people scrapbook, - I've tried, I cannot - or fish, - also a no go - or what have you. I love a story. Even how it all comes together. I am putting this to better use these days though. Last year I directed an act in a series of plays. And I'm always writing, and I intend to test it out on others. Not quite yet though.

Now instead of a sad place my reel life is hopeful and ambitious. It has always been my passion, and I want to channel that. I love the idealistic bubble, but I want to include more people in, not simply burst it. I dont expect it to ever be more than a hobby. I'd like to be part of a blockbuster, everyone likes to be appreciated, but it's not how I define success. Finding a way to do something I love, even just on the side, is success enough. Blending my reel life into my real life feels like success already.