Tough Girl

Just woke up from a dream where I was a badass. I mean, fit, and take no shit, Linda Hamilton in T2 arms, Clint Eastwood attitude, Vin Diesel/Jason Statham/action star prowess, powerful, strong, confident bordering on arrogant woman. Then I woke up in this soft, jelly, body, and felt such a dissonance, between who I am, and who I could be, if I took care of myself. I feel really motivated to become that version of myself. I want to feel that strength, physically and mentally, in myself.

More in 30

Maybe its March Madness,  the stircrazy of Spring that means coming out of hibernation, but I feel like a change. They say less is more. For a while now I've been thinking about deleting fb. I've been inspired by things I've read recently, in particular singledadlaughing's #365daystolive challenge and an article about how social media actually makes us lonely. I find it is a crutch, that I use in place of actually connecting. Now, I love it, and I can easily follow the adventures of my family, and far away friends, but I am losing too much time to the worm hole of politics and animal videos. March is my running anniversary, but I'm still stuck in this boot from the break in November. FB is a giant timesuck for boredom. But boring people get bored. So, I'm going to challenge myself to do more, be more creative. I'm going to read more books, write more, take photographs, play guitar, practice a language, and make plans with actual people. I will slip up, I'm sure, but I'm going to try.
Saying 365 days is daunting, so I'm going to set 30 as my goal, 30 days, spending 30 minute blocks on other things. I want to have more authentic moments, not likes, and use my imagination more. So I'm posting here to reopen this as my place to post as I attempt to do more creatively.

Wake up, shake up.

Earlier this week I convinced myself to go see a doctor, because I've been fighting to stay awake during the day, (yet I have no trouble being wide awake at night) and my nails have become brittle, and insult above all others, my hair is falling out. My big mane is shedding way more than usual.

So the doc agrees with me, that this needs examining, and testing.

Wait, what?

This is not just a lack of sleep, or vitamins? Among the options were, yes, lack of sleep, low iron, low b12, a thyroid issue, possible liver or kidney problems, or... a heart issue.

A what now?

So, I go get all the tests, and convince myself that I'm very ill.

I see another doc for the results, the fun of not having a gp, and he confirms that there is nothing wrong with me, and the issue is most likely stress.

This has all got me thinking though.

Doing whatever I want is not the same as taking care of myself. 

If I want to avoid the imagined problems, I better make some real changes.

Rollercoaster

So, today has been... weird.

First, work was really, tense, today. The hiring practices for permanent positions are really being questioned, and I've never seen reactions like this. It makes me wonder about my future there.

Second, an apartment on the second floor became available, because she wants my first floor apartment. So we are going to switch.

Third, I got messaged by a very intriguing man, about getting to know each other better.
Alternately, the guy I've been waiting to respond to me, asked my aquaintance out. One door closes... I guess.

There's a theory that when you go in the direction you are meant to go in, things fall in to place. I'm going to focus on the good, and ignore the rest. I'm really glad I moved North.

Setback

Earlier this week I stubbed my toe so hard I nearly broke it. There was purple bruising, and so much pain, but after x-rays I was cleared to run in a few days. Except it's still really sore when I put pressure on it. I have 1 week till the 10k with my sister, and this is not helping.

However, I have 28 weeks till the half marathon, which I'm going to break in to 2 sessions, starting after the 10k. Running requires strength, and endurance. I am going to focus all my efforts to making this a reality.

Countdown is on

4 weeks till the SunRun. Am not going to be in superfit shape I hoped for, as I did not work hard enough. Training fail.
I did join a train for 10k for a local run in June, and am excited about that. Starting my distance build for half marathon after that. Actually scared by the challenge. But excited too.

Start of the season

Had a really good run this weekend. Next week the hard runs start for 10k training, mostly because I've been slacking since... October, but I feel ready to run now.